


Head & Heart

by VickeyStar



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur Returns, Camelot, all of them return, and is the only one to remember, and sometimes over, but arthur remembers, fish sticks and custard, like merlin is friends with the doctor, over tea and crumpets, quotes, small Dr Who reference, sometimes, they share tips abt tech and magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 12:57:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14749301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VickeyStar/pseuds/VickeyStar
Summary: “Heart weeps. Head tries to help heart. Head tells heart how it is, again: You will lose the ones you love. They will all go. But even the earth will go, someday. Heart feels better, then. But the words of head do not remain long in the ears of heart. Heart is so new to this. I want them back, says heart. Head is all heart has. Help, head. Help heart.”





	Head & Heart

**Author's Note:**

> We hope you guys enjoy!!   
> ~SleeveCakes/VickeyStar

_“Heart weeps. Head tries to help heart. Head tells heart how it is, again: You will lose the ones you love. They will all go. But even the earth will go, someday. Heart feels better, then. But the words of head do not remain long in the ears of heart. Heart is so new to this. I want them back, says heart. Head is all heart has. Help, head. Help heart.”_

~*~

He returns, splashing and spluttering out of the lake, armor heavy and chilled.

~*~

It isn’t for three months that Merlin finds him, gets his chance to explain everything.

He doesn’t handle it very well.

~*~

 _“What about the others?”_ he asks, studying his friend.

Something breaks inside of him when Merlin avoids his eyes.

~*~

Gwaine is laughing at something the woman behind the flower cart says, twirling a daffodil in his fingers.

Merlin grabs his arm before he can approach the man, watching him walk away.

 _“He doesn’t remember,”_ Merlin says, _“We need to leave him be.”_

~*~

He bumps into Gaius while on his own, Merlin having gotten sick with a terrible cold.

( _“Is this sorcery? Some kind of poison? Are any of our enemies here, as well?”_ he had asked, terrified.

Merlin smiled.

 _“No, it’s just a cold.”_ )

 _“Can I help you?”_ Gaius asks, a small, peaceful smile on his face.

He stares at the older man in surprise, holding the list of medical herbs that Merlin had written in his hand.

He takes a breath and holds the list out.   
_“My friend sent me to get these, I can’t seem to find the Aspirin?”_

He doesn’t look back when he leaves.

(Except for the fact that he does.)

~*~

He doesn’t tell Merlin what happened.

Judging from the knowing look on his friend’s face, he already knows.

(Merlin probably planned it, knowing exactly how he would react.

He sends the warlock a small glare, when this thought crosses his mind, and Merlin smiles.)

~*~

Lancelot is next.

Merlin waits for a month before bringing him to see his friend, understanding how seeing Gwaine and Gaius affected him and knowing that he needed time, no matter how much he insisted he was fine.

They watch as Lancelot speaks into his wrist, scanning the area for threats.

 _“Even here, he’s still protecting the Prince.”_ Merlin says wryly.

He snorts in amusement.

~*~

Leon stops by Merlin’s cottage, a quaint little thing built by the shore of the lake.

Well, from the outside, that’s what it looks like.

When he first entered the cottage, he noticed it was bigger on the inside.

( _“Timelord technology.”_ Merlin replied, waving a hand dismissively.

Like that’s supposed to make any kind of sense.)

Leon looks at him like he’s the sun.

 _“You’re alive.”_ Leon breathes, pulling him into a tight hug.

He looks at Merlin, who for the first time since he found him looks unsure.

 _“Hello, Merlin.”_ Leon greets their friend, smile on his face, peaceful yet strained, just like Merlin’s.

( _“I’m immortal.”_ Merlin speaks in a small voice.

He puts his hand on the warlock’s shoulder, wishing he could do more.)

He keeps his gaze on Merlin, as the other man shrugs.

_“The Cup of Life did a bit more than just save him.”_

One look at Leon confirms his conclusion.

Then Leon faces Merlin.

 _“Why didn’t you tell me?”_ The loyal knight asks, frowning slightly.

Merlin shrugs. _“He wasn’t ready.”_

There’s a moment of silence where he thinks Leon may put up more of an argument, when the knight looks around the room, not seeing any of it, and nods.

_“Well, he is now.”_

~*~

Things pick up the pace after that, Merlin and Leon both showing him where Percival is.

( _“He has children.”_ Merlin explains, watching Percival lay in a field, grin on his face as two young girls collapse on his chest, giggling and joyous.)

~*~

Elyan appears at the door of their cottage, and for a few moments he thinks that Elyan remembers too, but his hope is quickly squished when the former knight holds a pizza box out, and asks _“Is this the right address?”_

Merlin steps up, blocking his dumbfounded face from Elyan’s view, answering the man’s question and directing him to the correct address.

When the warlock turns around, his face is worried, as if he’s waiting for him to finally break after seeing so many of his friends and being unable to even talk to any of them, excluding Leon.

He takes a deep breath, holding his emotions in, and speaks.

_“I want to see Gwen.”_

~*~

Merlin tries to put it off as long as he can, avoiding the subject so well that whenever he approaches the warlock with the idea, he leaves the conversation two hours later confused and wondering about some mundane topic Merlin introduced to him.

Then, another two hours after that, he realizes that Merlin never actually answered him about his request.

~*~

It takes both Leon and himself to convince Merlin to bring him to Gwen, Leon having given him a sad, almost pitiful look when he brought the idea up.

 _“It’s a long drive.”_ Merlin warns, as the two of them climb into his car.

 _“It’ll be worth it.”_ He replies, not missing the sympathetic look on his friend’s face.

~*~   
Several hours later, Merlin nudges him awake in the passenger seat, and when he tries to rub the crick out of his neck, it magically fades.

He looks out the window of the car, to see a sign.

 _“Merlin.”_ He speaks.

 _“Yes?”_ Merlin responds, regretting it immediately.

_“Why are we at a cemetery?”_

Merlin pauses.

_“There are flowers in the back of the car.”_

~*~

He approaches the stone, surrounded by many that look similar, flowers in hand.

( _“She came back, too.”_ Merlin explained. _“She had a wonderful life.”_

 _“How did she…”_ he couldn’t finish.

He didn’t have to.

 _“Car accident.”_ )

 _“Hello, Guinevere. It’s been awhile.”_ He starts to speak, Merlin standing a respectable amount of space away.

He stands there even as it starts to rain.

And he finally breaks.

He gently places the bouquet on the top of her grave, tears streaming down his face as he falls to his knees.

Arms embrace him as he grieves for his family, his kingdom, his life.

edn

 


End file.
